Part 2: Who's In Charge of the Adults? J.D. Walls and Associates, P.C. Attorneys Carmel Indiana

Part 2: Who's In Charge of the Adults?

Posted by: John D. Walls
April 21, 2011
Topic: The Talk

In a previous post, I discussed the importance of talking about your own estate plan - specifically the proposed guardians of your minor children - with those closest to you. While I recommend having that discussion long before you need it, there many other family / estate type matters that ultimately require some "talking." Admittedly, discussions of this nature can be tough to initiate at any age, but one variation - the discussion children need to have with aging parents - can be particularly difficult.

I don't know about you, but my parents are still my parents. Yes, I have my own children and yes, responsibility to carve the obligatory holiday beast has fallen on my shoulders, but I still afford a great deal of deference to my parents' opinions. After all, doesn't father know best? Whether or not our parents know best our parents are human and no one lives forever. We, as adult children, need information from our parents to assist them as they get older. To that end, here are a couple items for your consideration.

Start the discussion early. Although there are many times it easier to ask forgiveness than permission (for example, sliding out of the house for a quick 18 holes last weekend - sorry honey) waiting to talk to your parents about their financial plan for their golden years until they have to move in with you because they are broke may not be the best option. Trying to start an open dialogue with your parents - even if they aren't ready to discuss it - can get them thinking about their own plan for the future. Be warned, this may not be easy conversation to start, and I can almost guarantee your parents will recall with vivid detail your weekly phone calls from college "asking for money." You need to make sure they know you are neither trying to steal their money for yourself, nor take it away from them "for their own good."

Talk about personal matters. By personal matters I mean ask them where and how they want to live. Do they want to move to the Sunbelt? Do they expect you to care for them when they can not care for themselves? Do they want to live near family, church, or senior amenities? You need to understand these types of things as your parents get older. Many of us will have the loving responsibility of aiding our parents in their golden years and knowing what they want for their own lives can be a blessing for everyone.

Don't forget to think about their health care. As I write this article, the health-care debate is raging. Until a decision is made, however, everyone needs to plan on spending a portion of their nest egg on health care as they age. Again, what financial steps have your parents taken to cover health care for the long haul? Are they planning to rely on savings? Are lottery tickets a serious part of their plan? Can they qualify for or afford long-term care insurance? Will they qualify for government benefits? Health care for seniors is and should be a serious concern. Obviously, your parents' health will play a major role in both their financial future and associated quality of life. It is important for you to talk about it before it is too late.

Remember, your parents' answers are neither right nor wrong. I am simply suggesting that you try to open an honest and caring dialogue between yourself and other family members to help plan for your parents as they age. Discussing and understanding these types of issues as family and bringing in qualified professionals to help your parents with Wills, Powers of Attorney, taxes, geriatric care issues, and the like can only make your parents golden years better for everyone involved.