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Part 1: Who?s in charge of the kids?
Posted by: John D. Walls
April 21, 2011

Ok, let's be frank. Unless you have lost someone really close to you, I'm guessing most of you actively avoid thinking about your inevitable demise. I know for a long time I assumed I was invincible. Of course, getting married, having kids, finding those first gray hairs, and waking up with an unexplained sore back made me consider an unpleasant truth: I may not live forever. In fact, statistics show that roughly 97% of all people (with a 3% margin of error) will die at some point in their life time.

Once you acknowledge that you may need to plan for the inevitable (in other words, prepare an estate plan), you need to talk about the specifics. This talk needs to go way beyond speaking with non-judgmental and impartial professionals (your attorney, financial planner, CPA, and insurance agent): you have to talk to people you know personally. These people need to know how you want them to handle your affairs in the event you can not.

One of the most important decisions you can discuss deals with guardians for your minor children. You need to figure out who will care for your children in the event you can not. Parents all have different opinions about who and what will be best for the kids, but for the sake of your children, you need to think seriously about this issue. While I'm sure your spouse's family truly is insane, that does not necessarily mean the children will suffer irreparable harm if you name one of your spouse's relatives as guardian. Reaching a decision you can live with - even if it is not your first choice - can save time, money, and heartache down the road. If parents can't agree on what is best for their children, they could be setting up the probate court equivalent of a custody battle.

Once you narrow your guardian choices, make sure to discuss your decision with the prospective guardian. While most people will be more than willing to help (even your crazy in-laws), getting a less-than-enthusiastic response is not a bad thing. Knowing your prospective guardian is ready, willing, and able to care for your children should be far more comforting than a tepid "I guess so," response. Being confident your guardian will warmly welcome your children into their home in the event of a tragedy should give you the peace of mind you were seeking in preparing an estate plan.

Ultimately, you need to make the decision that is best for you and your family. Even though most families will never need their chosen guardian's services, it is still a major decision for everyone involved. You need to talk about it with your spouse and prospective guardian to make sure everyone is willing to act for the benefit of your kids.

Matthew S. Lewis is an attorney at J.D. Walls & Associates, P.C., who focuses his practice on estate planning. He can be reached at http://www.jdwalls.com/Contact.shtml.

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Part 2: Who's In Charge of the Adults?
Posted by: John D. Walls
April 21, 2011

In a previous post, I discussed the importance of talking about your own estate plan - specifically the proposed guardians of your minor children - with those closest to you. While I recommend having that discussion long before you need it, there many other family / estate type matters that ultimately require some "talking." Admittedly, discussions of this nature can be tough to initiate at any age, but one variation - the discussion children need to have with aging parents - can be particularly difficult.

I don't know about you, but my parents are still my parents. Yes, I have my own children and yes, responsibility to carve the obligatory holiday beast has fallen on my shoulders, but I still afford a great deal of deference to my parents' opinions. After all, doesn't father know best? Whether or not our parents know best our parents are human and no one lives forever. We, as adult children, need information from our parents to assist them as they get older. To that end, here are a couple items for your consideration.

Start the discussion early. Although there are many times it easier to ask forgiveness than permission (for example, sliding out of the house for a quick 18 holes last weekend - sorry honey) waiting to talk to your parents about their financial plan for their golden years until they have to move in with you because they are broke may not be the best option. Trying to start an open dialogue with your parents - even if they aren't ready to discuss it - can get them thinking about their own plan for the future. Be warned, this may not be easy conversation to start, and I can almost guarantee your parents will recall with vivid detail your weekly phone calls from college "asking for money." You need to make sure they know you are neither trying to steal their money for yourself, nor take it away from them "for their own good."

Talk about personal matters. By personal matters I mean ask them where and how they want to live. Do they want to move to the Sunbelt? Do they expect you to care for them when they can not care for themselves? Do they want to live near family, church, or senior amenities? You need to understand these types of things as your parents get older. Many of us will have the loving responsibility of aiding our parents in their golden years and knowing what they want for their own lives can be a blessing for everyone.

Don't forget to think about their health care. As I write this article, the health-care debate is raging. Until a decision is made, however, everyone needs to plan on spending a portion of their nest egg on health care as they age. Again, what financial steps have your parents taken to cover health care for the long haul? Are they planning to rely on savings? Are lottery tickets a serious part of their plan? Can they qualify for or afford long-term care insurance? Will they qualify for government benefits? Health care for seniors is and should be a serious concern. Obviously, your parents' health will play a major role in both their financial future and associated quality of life. It is important for you to talk about it before it is too late.

Remember, your parents' answers are neither right nor wrong. I am simply suggesting that you try to open an honest and caring dialogue between yourself and other family members to help plan for your parents as they age. Discussing and understanding these types of issues as family and bringing in qualified professionals to help your parents with Wills, Powers of Attorney, taxes, geriatric care issues, and the like can only make your parents golden years better for everyone involved.

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